Ever feel like you’re on the outside looking in? Like everyone else is part of some secret club, and you missed the invite? You’re not alone. It’s normal to feel out of place sometimes, whether it’s at school, in a group of friends, or even at home. But here’s the thing: not fitting in doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. In fact, it might just be the best thing about you. Let’s talk about what you can do when you’re feeling like an outsider.
Embrace What Makes You Different
Here’s the deal: being different is epic. You’re not a knock-off copy of someone else—you’re the limited edition version of you. Maybe you’re the only one who thinks pineapple on pizza is a genius idea (you’re right, by the way). Or maybe you’re super into something niche, like bird-watching or learning Klingon. Whatever makes you, you, is what makes you awesome. So instead of trying to be like everyone else, lean into what makes you unique.
Quick Tip: Next time you start thinking, “Why can’t I be more like them?” flip the script. Ask yourself, “What’s ridiculously cool about me?” Write it down or shout it into the mirror like a hype coach.
Connect with Yourself First
If you’re not vibing with others, it’s not about changing who you are—it’s about getting to know yourself better. What lights you up? What’s something you could do for hours without even realizing it? When you figure out what makes you tick, you’ll naturally attract people who are into the same stuff. It’s like sending out a radar to find your kind of humans.
Quick Tip: Ask yourself questions like, “What’s one thing I love doing, even if people think it’s weird?” or “If I had zero homework and all the snacks, what would I do right now?” The answers might surprise you.
Don’t Trust Your Brain’s Trash Talk
Ever hear that little voice in your head saying, “Nobody likes me” or “I’m so awkward”? Yeah, that voice is a total liar. Truth bomb: most people are too busy worrying about their own stuff to be judging you. And those who do? They’re just dealing with their own junk. So, when your brain starts spiraling into negative-town, hit the brakes.
Quick Tip: When you’re stuck in your head, get out of it—literally. Take a walk, dance like a maniac to your favorite song, or go pet your dog (dogs get it). Moving your body helps clear the mental cobwebs.
Exclusive poster for WholeHearted Hub members! Available February 18th, 2025.
Take Action to Connect
Feeling like you’re on the outside? Instead of waiting for someone to invite you in, make a move. Join a club, try a new activity, or just say, “Hey, what’s up?” to someone new. I know—it sounds terrifying, but trust me, small steps lead to big wins. You never know who might turn out to be your new favorite person.
Quick Tip: Make a list of stuff you like—sports, gaming, making TikToks about cats—and find a group or activity around that. Then commit to trying one thing this week. Even if it’s awkward, it’s a win.
Build Your Own Squad
Can’t find a group that gets you? Time to build your own. Be the captain of your weird ship. If you’re into something random, like making clay dinosaurs or skateboarding in superhero costumes, there are definitely other people out there who are into that, too. You just gotta find them—or better yet, create the space where they’ll find you.
Quick Tip: Don’t overthink it. Just start with one or two people who share your interests and see where it goes. Sometimes the best friendships come from taking that first step.
Remember: Belonging Is About Being Yourself
Fitting in is overrated. Forget about squeezing yourself into someone else’s box. Real belonging is about being around people who like you for you. If you’re constantly trying to please people or fit their idea of “cool,” it’s not real. And honestly? It’s exhausting. Walk away from stuff that feels fake. You deserve better. You deserve to be around people who like you for you.
Mic Drop: Not fitting in is your golden ticket to stand out. So the next time you’re feeling like the odd one out, remember: the best stories aren’t about people who follow the crowd—they’re about the ones who break the mold.
Exclusive poster for WholeHearted Hub members! Available February 18th, 2025.
Tip Sheet: What To Say
What to Say When You Hear Someone Excludes You
When You Hear: “Sorry, you can’t play with us.”
What to Say: “That’s okay—hope you have a good time. Will see what else is going on.”
What to Say When You Hear That Voice in Your Head Telling You to Stay Quiet
When You Hear: Your thoughts saying, “Don’t raise your hand, what if you’re wrong?”
What to Say: “I’ve got something good to add—I’m going for it!”
What to Say When You Hear You Didn’t Get Picked
When You Hear: “Sorry, we’re full, maybe next time.”
What to Say: “No worries, I’ll find something else fun to do.”
What to Say When You Hear Silence from a Friend
When You Hear: Your friend ignoring you or not responding.
What to Say: “Hey, we haven’t talked in a while—everything good?”
What to Say When You Hear Pressure to Be Like Everyone Else
When You Hear: “Why don’t you just try to be like everyone else?”
What to Say: “Because being me is way more interesting!”
